The inner critic – that harsh internal voice that judges, demeans, and never seems satisfied – is one of the most common and most painful parts people struggle with. In IFS therapy, we take a radically different approach to this voice: instead of trying to silence it, we get to know it.
This guided exercise, based on the IFS model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in No Bad Parts, will help you transform your relationship with your inner critic.
Before You Begin
Find a comfortable, quiet place where you won’t be disturbed for 15-20 minutes. You can do this exercise with eyes closed or soft gaze downward. Have a journal nearby to record your discoveries.
The Exercise: A Step-by-Step Guide
Step 1: Notice the Critic (2 minutes)
Bring to mind a recent situation where your inner critic was active. Perhaps you made a mistake at work, said something in a social situation, or simply looked in the mirror. Let the critical voice speak.
Notice: What does it say? What’s its tone? Is it familiar? Does it remind you of anyone?
Step 2: Locate It in Your Body (2 minutes)
Now, rather than engaging with the content of the criticism, get curious about where you feel this part in your body. Many people find the inner critic in the head, chest, or shoulders.
Ask yourself: If this part had a shape, what would it be? A colour? A texture? A temperature?
Step 3: Check Your Relationship to It (2 minutes)
This is crucial. How do you feel toward this critical part right now? Be honest.
Many people feel irritated, scared, ashamed, or overwhelmed by their critic. If you feel something negative toward it, that’s okay – it just means another part is reacting. Gently acknowledge that reaction and ask it to give you a little space.
We’re aiming to approach the critic from Self – with at least some degree of curiosity and openness.
Step 4: Get Curious About Its Intentions (5 minutes)
Now, from a place of genuine curiosity (even if it’s just a little), ask the inner critic:
- “What are you trying to do for me?“
- “What are you afraid would happen if you stopped criticising me?“
- “How long have you been doing this job?“
- “Did something happen that made you think you needed to protect me this way?“
Listen for any response – it might come as words, images, feelings, or just a sense of knowing. Don’t force it. Sometimes parts need time to trust that you’re genuinely curious, not trying to get rid of them.
Step 5: Appreciate and Acknowledge (3 minutes)
Whatever response you receive, try to acknowledge it. You might say (internally) something like:
“I can see you’ve been working really hard to protect me. I appreciate that. I know you were trying to help, even if the criticism has been painful.”
This is not about agreeing with the criticism. It’s about recognising the positive intent beneath it.
Step 6: Explore What the Critic Protects (5 minutes)
Ask your inner critic: “Is there a part of me you’re protecting? What are you afraid I’ll feel or experience if you step back?”
Often, the critic is protecting an Exile – a younger, more vulnerable part that carries deep shame, fear of rejection, or a belief like “I’m not good enough.” The critic criticises you first so others can’t.
Journal Prompts After the Exercise
- What did you discover about your inner critic’s intentions?
- What part do you think it might be protecting?
- How did your relationship to the critic shift during this exercise?
- What would it mean for your life if you could approach your inner critic with curiosity rather than judgment?
A Note on This Process
This exercise offers a taste of IFS work. For deeper healing – especially if you have significant trauma – working with a trained IFS therapist is invaluable. But this exercise can be a powerful first step in developing a different, more compassionate relationship with yourself.
For more exercises like this, and a comprehensive understanding of the IFS model, we strongly recommend: 📚 No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz – it includes guided exercises throughout the book.
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